In accordance with State regulations fire and earthquake drills are held regularly in There. In case of a serious earthquake or a major fire which makes it necessary to leave There immediately you should be familiar with the basic procedures.
In the unlikely event of an unlikely event please follow very carefully the following instructions. The life of your avatar may depend on it.
In case of fire:
- Whatever you know about fire in There, there is no fire in There.
- You may have seen fire places in There, but we have to tell you they are not real. You can actually walk through a fire place without burning your feet. Don't try this at home! If you do, don't blame me, sue yourself!
- A real fire is in fact very unlikely in There, because there is no oxygen in There. You may have noticed that avatars do actually breath, but so far it is not know what kind of virtual gas they inhale.
- Even as the odds are very low a fire will break out in There, one can never be too sure that a fire is impossible. If you feel hot, leave your avatar behind, take a cold shower and don't complain whatever it is.
- Do not use a lift or elevator, because there is nothing like it in There. If there is a fire and you are in a lift, it is probably just bad luck, because you are anywhere but in There!
- Just log out and don't come back, until There will send you a mail to tell you it is save now, which it is in fact all the time, but you may like to get some email anyway!
- I have not the faintest idea, what item number seven was all about. All I remember is that it was very important, so you better take it seriously!
- If you will find a fire extinguisher in There, don't use it, it is not real. If it is real, my apologies and good luck!
In case of an earthquake:
- Take cover. Below a desk, just in case you can get there, or anywhere below some solid material. Well, you may have found out already, there is no solid stuff in There. In fact it is all virtual and as soft as a vacuum. The good news is marshmallows can't hurt you, unless you'll eat them. Welcome to the club of those humiliated by scales.
- Whenever you may experience to be hit by falling debris, it is more likely that you have been knocked over by some idiot who can't handle a buggy. Just take out your laser sword and cut that buggy in half because the force is with you – sorry, I got carried away.
- What the heck, just wait until the damn thing is over. Enjoy a good shake!
- If the earth is still moving for you, either the server is breaking down or you are struck by something far from a quake. Maybe you simply fell in love, which is by the way anything but simple, but you will find out anyway. I feel for you.
- Can't we just stop counting?
- Obviously we can't. My final advice is just don't listen to all these rules. Do whatever makes you feel good including those around you. Damn, that is just another rule!
The final rule is: enjoy yourself, even or better especially when you are on fire!